Quinton once got a second chance at life-but he doesn't want it. The tattoos on his chest are a constant reminder of what he's done, what he's lost. He's sworn to never allow happiness into his life . . . but then beautiful, sweet Nova makes him smile. He knows he's too damaged to get close to her, yet she's the only one who can make him feel alive again. Quinton will have to decide: does he deserve to start over? Or should he pay for his past forever?
From the prologue glimpse to the teasers, I knew Breaking Nova would be one hell of an emotional roller-coaster. So I felt like I needed to brace or prepare myself in some way, which is why held off reading it so soon. I finished it last week, and have allowed myself time to get my thoughts in order, because Breaking Nova left me in heap of tumultuous emotions. In all honesty I was left a little speechless, nothing went the way I thought it would and I began to found myself apprehensive of what the next page or chapter held. Nothing was as it appeared, and the lines began to blur between what is right and wrong, what is up and what is down.
If we allow it to, the numbness can drown out everything, even the spark of life inside us. And eventually the person we once were is nothing but a vanishing memory.
While I understood Nova's need for escape, I felt like the further she walked into this dark and dangerous world the harder it would be for her to find her way back. I liked the video diaries, it felt like she was speaking directly to the reader, and it was nothing short of beautifully raw and honest. It gives a glimpse into the mind of someone so overcome by grief they forget to live life, some spend lifetimes searching for answers and come up empty. As the story progresses to a point where Nova is a complete mess, we become more anxious to gain the answers she seeks, if she was so important to Landon why did he leave her? Was there something deeper or darker at work than Nova leads us to believe? So many questions begin to rush through our minds, that we find ourselves completely submerged in her world trying to put the clues together, and to see if she can fix the broken parts of herself.
Her relationship with Quinton was unique all in itself, two souls lost in the darkness unable to find the light. At times it felt like they helped one another, while at others it seemed they made it worse. They wanted to be near one another, to feel something again and yet at the same time they felt guilty or undeserving. To say it wasn't your typical romance would be a serious understatement, if in fact it can be viewed as a romance at all. There were so many conflicting emotions, so many things that went so wrong but felt right at times.
“In fact, most of the time people hide who they really are.” Her throat bobs up and down as she swallows hard. “Most of the time you think you know someone, but you really have no clue.”
Stuff happens. We get lost. We try to control what will happen. We give up. We do things that don’t make sense. We search for things in the wrongest of ways. We lose our way, but sometimes, if we’re really, really strong, we manage to find our way back.”
Unlike Nova, for Quinton it's about forgetting for a few moments. To not have to deal with the gaping hole in his chest, to get lost in the high and stay there as long as he can. Despite his harsh words I believe the good old Quinton is still underneath all the destruction, it's not going to be easy to get him out but he's there and he just needs a hand to reach into the darkness and help pull him free. And honestly Nova does reach him on some level, the time they are together it's not about meaningless sex for him or getting lost in the fog of being high, it's about connecting and trying to understand in order to reach the other side. She makes him feel things again, she makes him wander about things and in a way she brings back some of the old Quinton. Which I think is Jessica's amazing way of showing there is always a way back, sometimes it's just harder to find than others but that doesn't mean you give up.
I place my hand on the back of her head and hold her, because it’s all I can do, because I know death hurts, death breaks, death consumes, and there’s no magic cure to making it go away.
I keep taking deep breaths, telling myself to calm down and breathe, but the fucking problem is I really don’t want to want to breathe at the moment. I want my lungs to stop working, along with my heart, and my thoughts, and my guilt, because I can’t fucking take it anymore.
The ending was not what I was expected, like I said nothing I thought would happen did. Nonetheless I thought it seemed fitting, Jessica illustrated how the human mind works with a great deal of detail, and at times the descriptions were so gut-wrenchingly beautiful. I don't want you to think this is a complete depressive read, there were many shining moments that made my heart beat faster and a smile to my face. Moments that were so perfect it felt as if we were suspended in time, as if Jessica wanted to hold us captivated by the beauty behind the pain. Because more than anything it really is two souls lost within the darkness of overwhelming grief, unclear on where life will take them and if they'll ever reach a place they can breathe freely again, without their demons taking over.
I consider myself lucky for being able to get where I am. It’s not easy and not everyone makes it. Some people stay in the dark and some people leave it a different, more permanent way, while I managed to step into the light again.